Tuesday, September 30, 2008

E-Mail, a history

considering the amazing response to the above post,somwhere around 123,563,498 clicks(multiplied by zero ,of course!),decided to expand the topics from duct-tape to everything.......

"E-Mail is a medium,like all other mediums."
-my communication skills teacher.

Invented in the late earlies by Charles Darwin while watching a spitball match between India and Pakistan, Darwin created it to counter his frustration with what most people often refer to as "f-e-maile".
Later, Bill Gates(if u don't know ,he is Steve Job's secret lover..and if u don't know Steve Jobs,your soul shall burn in hell) decided to make it an integral part of his micro-softies(a bunch of OS made to make you cry over your apparently slow hardware) when he too found that f-e-mailes weren't an integral part of him and a group of similar nerds he hanged around with,but thats another his-tory.E-mail is the only source of communication in most countries and in places like zambia,even food is sent over mail,though the russian communists still depend on morse code and vodka and the chinese simply decide to kill their hungry,that seems to solve their population problem.Recently, some "LADEN" guy sent romantic videos to some BUSH deep down in texas, initiating a first of its kind on the e-mail front,although there have been romours that the porn industry was extremely miffed on their not being involved in the whole video affair.Also,supporting the industry's cause,the Saudi govt warned that the US embassy there could face closure if the industry's need wasn't met,along with a possible oil price hike no matter what stand the US took..E-mail,some believe lead to the accident(read suicide) or murder,who cares; of lady Diana , because it was some great grand mother of lady Diana within the spencer family,who happened to be a Queen, who supported and familiarised the concept of "POST "(post too is a medium where one sticks out his tongue to stick an envelope already smeared with ink,thus making your tongue regret it was yours..).It plays a prominent role in scriptures too.Sita sent Hanuman(since Rama was out of coverage area) a SOS e-mail from her strawberry(an ancestor of blackberry with an additional functionality,you could eat it too) when he was hovering over Lanka in his private jet ,leading to the extra episodes in Ramayana directed by Ramanand Sagar, if e-mail hadnt been there,maybe Ekta kapoor would have directed it as without the mail,a 1000 more episodes could have been made.Very few people now-a-days are ignorant of the E-mail,like GOD and the DEVIL,but that must be more due to bandwidth issues than anything else.Even the Pope's got one(or maybe 2).Also e-mail has an inbult option of Carbon-Copy ; but becuase carbon copies tend to be black and white, some believe it to be an extremely offensive racist move and the U.N were planning to sue Nelson Mandela for bringing up the topic.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

duct-tape:the untold story.

"Duct-tape is like the force;it has a dark side and the light side, and they both hold the world together"    -somebody.

The truth is,duct-tape sucks,they do. They stick real good in places where they aren't supposed to and act stupid where they are supposed to be good at.For eg,stick it on your mouth for fun and it gives that shit taste ,stick it out in places you are not supposed to(try it out once,if those places are hairy,thats a lesson you will never forget.),they hurt real bad.Coming back to the tape,it was invented in 431 B.C when Julius Ceaser decided to duct-tape Alexander,because Alexander(will be hereby reffered as alex) went and proposed to ceaser's mom.But that wasn't the issue with ceaser,after marrying his mom,one day,Alex walks upto ceaser and says"Dude,who's your daddy now?"Pissed of,ceaser called for a meeting of his generals and commisioned the scientists of the time to invent the duct tape,to keep alex shut.(by the way,ceaser waged war with the gauls so that he could divert the attention of the historians from this personal problem of his.).later,ceaser taped the entire roman senate(except some two guys who had to visit the loo when the procedure was being carried out,later they got a whole roll driven down their you-know-what).thus,the duct-tape was instrumental in ceaser becoming "dictator perpetuo" and alexander ducted perpetually.

During the dark ages,duct-tape was nearly driven to extinction.It was hunted more ruthlessly than the witches(as the people believed witches had control over the evil-spirits by duct taping them).In Vatican,the Pope Antiductus VIX ,who wanted all the heresyers to die,also wanted to banish the duct-tape,as the papal army couldn't find the heresyers as long as they didn't heresy,and with duct-tape on their mouth,most of the would have been philosophers couldn't do a thing.Thus, in 1440A.D.,they day gandhi's greatgrand dad was born(if u don't know,gandhi was a great supporter of duc-tape against violence,walked half naked as a symbol of support for duct-taping and obviously the other half of his body was taped,thats why his "attire" looks astonishingly similar always.),the Pope banished the duct-tape as an instrument of the devil.Later,after about a 134-461 years or so,papal bull was granted to the duct-tape by Pope Ductus(when satan did reveal to him duct-tape was his favourite toy and threatened to duct-tape in places that he didn't wish to) and found its way back into society(some believe this to be the birthday of Stalin and the chinese guy who killed about a million in a square.)

The duct-tape has a very distant cousin,the measuring tape(as is obvious from their surnames),but people like Rishabh gupta like to believe the opposite.(no,rishabh gupta is not related to any guy whose name goes by chandi,with the same surname).Unlike the duct-tape,people,mostly women,love to have it wound it around them often,to measure their usatiable egos.the remaining crap later on....