May the force be with you. and with me. and so be all the crap. People are subject to trouble in various sizes and shapes and designations. Weird faculties, old-hag HODs and fat ass lab assistants. Life is determined by a variety of variables, download speeds, manga updates and torrent availability. In college, some people have very good academics...the rest have a life and great friends. The Queen of England is married to the King of England....queer people....if you are already the Queen, marry another country's prince..!!!. Sex is over-rated. So say those who have had it. Hypocritical Bastards!!!. Certain people in college have 100% attendance..by 4th year, they are like the crew on Davy Jone's Dutchman...a part of the scribbled walls, defunct ACs and broken chairs. The pigeons poop on them and nobody notices!!!. Of course there are certain limitations in college life. And of course, they are all fictional. Life Daffy Duck...a flurry of quacky rules. Everybody likes a joke once in a while. All the remaining while, its just the joker at a high probability of skull injury. Its important to look at the bigger picture. Everybody should look at the bigger picture. That way, you get to be irresponsible for the smaller parts and still have a justification for it. Of course, you were looking at the bigger picture!!!. Who invented the word "apple" ? In a lecture, a long restrained need to piss can be a huge driving force :
- it keeps you awake...the only time you look forward to going to the washroom.
- the act is more relieving than a lecture in progress.
- you feel good after a good piss, but feel pissed after a lecture.
Now, a mathematical problem:
A and B live 158 kms apart. A can walk at 3.7 kmph and B can walk at 2.2 kmph...assuming both decide to walk towards each other, find,
- what the hell is wrong with A and B ?
1- both are crazy.
2- you are crazy coz you came up with all that.
3- both 1 and 2
4- I am hungry. I need food.

The duct tape blog started as a blog about the story of the duct-tape and has come to cover various topics, like "staring at white walls to kill boredom", "studying the motion of imaginary flies", "b.tech engg" to "nothing". Everybody loves to dabble in philosophy.Doesn't make a difference if its self made or the highly prevalent "Ctrl+c" and "Ctrl+v" types. Google Buzz is still a no brainer......my brain can't comprehend what it is trying to achieve. Emoticons are over-rated.....they make your fingers do circus stances on the keyboard, and I can't ever seem to remember them. Its equivalent to manually remembering to laugh at a joke than spontaneously laughing at it. It must be taken into consideration that the English language was funny even before the emoticons "lol"ed their way into the language. (of course most of the jokes were English jokes and there were more chances of a partridge pooping on ur head twice in succession than an Englishman understanding their own jokes. Eg.:
englishman 1: I saw thies indean maun with aa twiech on his faace. The faace snotted averytaime he lau-oghed. aet was saw fanny I haed to haold my paaants fram fallin doon.(which translated into meaningful english means:I saw this indian man with a twitch on his face. the face snorted everytime he laughed. it was so funny I had to hold my pants from falling down).
englishman 2: hahahahahaaa. you aere a fanny maun.(19th century "lol"ing. you are a funny man). (yes, they were racists)
GOD(highabove) : what the fuck!!!!! twany pieces of twit poodles!!!!!
the author: end of joke. start "lol" ing or "rofl"ing ur ass off.

men make and un-make themselves, but the cake still needs to be baked and coffee is good anytime of the day!!...........ya, I know, don't ask why!!Its called mechanical engg.

Very little is known about Mr. satpathy ( the guy who teaches *ahem-ahem* for 4th year mechanical engg.) other than that his name rhymes with aggarbathi and he is of the male bong species, where male is actually ,in most cases, an exaggeration. There are a few male like sanyal but then he can beat the shit out of actual males so fast that the victim would hope they were of the opp sex. And we aren't talking about the sayal type bongs. (Hope now sanyal is not offended about me blabbering about the bongs.). And then, very little number of people care to know more than a little about satpathy. The sad fate of mech faculties. If somebody had asked him " what is your favorite part about teaching?", I'm pretty sure that at the mention of the word "favorite", a subconscious trigger would have already splashed images of gulab jamun/rosgollas in his head that it would have drowned out the remaining part of the question, even though nobody would have any idea as to what the question was about. An average class in a standard mechanical 4th year section is made of the following components :
- two/ five bollywood songs sung in the class which initiates a whole plethora of animal laughter. Any normal/sane time and these songs would have been unbearable, but faculties do have a gift of making even the most mundane gutter shit appear extremely good.
- a bunch of random expletives hurled at nobody, but which the faculty assumes to be directed at him, making him vulnerable to a whole lot of abuses that would make the 1st few appear like they were religious verses from the vedas.
- a set of games that is played at the last few pages of the notebook. The faster the guy who won the local class Olympics in these, the better for him to be all the more less discrete about it.
-some stupid comment by the faculty aimed at silencing the students, but instead ends up shoving the faculties’ foot down his mouth.
- a blackmail / ransom game with the attendance by the faculties aimed at the student, only to make the faculty realize that certain vocabulary have expanded a lot while since their college days.
- the final roll call at the end of the class, the only time in the class when faculties are allowed to assert their importance. After all, if every dog can have its day, then once in a while, every faculty should be allowed his minute!!

N.B: I just got away with writing “all the more less” above!!! and you thought there was nothing wrong with it.

Today, I realized I can't make coffee or cook for fuck!! But then, I'm 21, 4th year of college and fuck still is only a verbal usage. wtf, anyway!. Mirrors are fascinating objects, you look at a mirror and it shows you, back. You see yourself in a mirror, so staring at a mirror would only mean staring at yourself. So either all the people in the world are insane or I'm missing some huge logically important thing in that equation. I want to type "anyway" again, but then maybe not. Most of my friends have two/ three classes of friends- friends, good friends and best friends. That is simply racist. I mean, what are they planning, a warcraft campaign? So the best friend, level 23, beats the crap out of the darkspawn lords , good friends level 13 fight necromancers while I, a friend at level 7 only cause an itch on the horde captain's armor, to get killed 3 seconds later. And respawned again, only to die again. The vicious cycle continues. Now everybody has had their grandmothers tell out the mythologies said out to them, really interesting creepy stuff when you are a kid. All the demons lurking under the bed in the dark came into existence, courtesy Grandmother. But the tales are lost in the growing up years, and by 21, they are just fragments of a tale long ago heard.( yes, the people who had no such good story telling grandmothers have my sympathies, they are one of the best childhood memories.) So by the time you grow up, you have no idea about the difference between the vedas or the puranas. That is because these grandmothers forget to say the seemingly minor, but very important details. I recently read Ramayan Reloaded by Virgin Comics.If I had any idea the heroines in these tales were so hot, I would have gone to the temple everyday. It would have taken my spirituality to a whole new reloaded level. Also explains why Ravan did the things we then assumed to be stupid. Ravan wasn't stupid. The guy just couldn't keep his hormones in check. All he needed was a rehab. One of these days, I'm sure the VHP( Very Hypo-critic People) and RSS(Rightly Simply Stupid) are going to find me , and they are not going to love me. If any advanced technology costs more than a million dollars, Tony Stark can make it in a cave with a bunch of scrap. A lot of people I have seen have a limited English vocabulary. They do use the fancy words like " Its a good day" and " I think I should shut up" once in a while, but mostly, their vocab consists of " like", "but", "damn" and "fuck". They even get away with sentences like"like blah blah but damn fuck!". Going by frequency, if "fuck" had appeared in all religious text, every man on earth would be blessed. A million times over.
Everyone deserves respect. And every once in a while, emotions and words like "fuck you" too gain more respect than the people right in front of you. An ape chewing a pencil stub looks more intelligent than a brahmin eating/talking. I don't intend to offend brahmins, I'm just making a point. There are the occasional exceptions though. And I would like to meet one. Cause for one, monkeys cannot eat infinite amount of sweets. Even gujjus and bongs can't.I once knew a brahmin. He used to but bags for 3000 Rs,a pair of shoe for 8000Rs and then try convincing us that he was as stingy as a miser or else he would be a broke. I still know him. But he won't be too happy about it now, after reading this blog. And his name is not spelled Danish. And we do not call him BABA. We love him. I lie a lot. Especially the last 4 lines. Some people will have you convinced technology is spelled "tachy-no-laogy". I can't even spell "laogy". Can't even think how its spelt. Guess you have to be really special. really wierd. These are the very same people who think a white helmet, yellow T-shirt, pink pant and red shoes are a sexy-killer combination. Definitely killer but I'm not so sure about the sexy part. There are 75 guys in my class. And 15 can actually think simultaneously. Must be a new record for 4th year Mechanical Engg.The reason why most faculties are bald are because while they learned the stuff they teach, most of it just flew by over head grazing real close. Its the same effect as wind blowing over a rock for years or walking on a grassy patch. Erosion is a natural phenomenon. Also explains why they teach like even they aren't so sure of it.
This must be the longest blog I have written. The short end of a Parker is heavier than the long end of the Parker. That is what makes Parker heavier. That was "The Parker Theorem". I was thinking of a social experiment. Let us make up an English word - "pichikaon". Spelt "pee-chi-kao-uun". Now try to fit it in as suffix and prefix of random lines in every conversation. And see how normal it sounds. I mean in Hindi, they use "behen-ke-l**e"("**" are permutations of the alphabets "o" & "d". Its complex math. Try using calculus.) all the time. Sometimes its a prefix, sometimes its a suffix. Sometimes an emotion. It could be the beginning and end of a sentence, and everything in between them. And that is considered acceptable and normal. And the word actually doesn't make any sense. So next time, try saying - "oh, Pichikaon, I'm screwed!" or "Pichikaon, stop annoying me." See what happens. I have a Salman khan clone in my class. At least that is what he thinks he is. He was cloned by the African apes and programmed by the Amazon fleas. He is very smart. Even the Einsteins of the flea world don't stand a chance against him. He was cloned so that the apes and fleas could have one of their creations study at Benaras Hindu University for MBA and work alongside humans. Just to prove who's the daddy in the evolutionary scale. But BHU? For an MBA. Hmmm.
I have an algorithm to convince a person he is stupid/fool. It is as follows"
Step 1: Make a sweeping generalization on our mundane existence, a philosophical eulogy on how life makes us look stupid/fools and how we fall to it.

Step 2: Narrate a personal experience of how you outwitted fate, like an escape from a near fatal accident or how your DNA resisted the mutation effect from a mutated spider bite. Or how you drink human blood on full moon nights and remain ever youthful and immortal. Something that convinces the other guy you are marginally smarter.

Step 3: From step 1 and step 2 , you just proved the person is a fool.

Step 4: If step 3 doesn't work, repeat step 1 & step 2 till the other party gets tired of it. Or knocks you down unconscious. Everybody gives in after certain point of time.

And at the end of it, welcome to the start of the end. Hope you have a good day. But then hope can a real bitch!!.

Its been a long break. Like somebody actually cared. Its easy to fool other people. Making a fool of yourself, now thats difficult. The good thing about bright days are they are bright. Oh yeah, I know you're smart and you already guessed that. Good for you. "Incident light". Thats poetry in two words. "You and me". Thats in three words. "Fuck you". Thats an epic novel in itself!!. Oh, the wonders of words. Alphabets should be the 1st wonder of the world, the remaining 7 can follow after that. Of course, they all follow me. I am there, right at the top. All wonderful, brilliant, magnanimous, basking the world with my ignorance and sheer stupidity. And in times of strife and wars such as these, I am pretty sure the world would be a much better place worshiping a god who is more a fool than a god who can reason and holds too many bitter prejudices.

N.B: personal opinion only. RSS chill. Plz.

Tomorrow is a filthy religion. Everybody hates it but end up kneeing to it anyway!