Monday, January 25, 2010

Today, I realized I can't make coffee or cook for fuck!! But then, I'm 21, 4th year of college and fuck still is only a verbal usage. wtf, anyway!. Mirrors are fascinating objects, you look at a mirror and it shows you, back. You see yourself in a mirror, so staring at a mirror would only mean staring at yourself. So either all the people in the world are insane or I'm missing some huge logically important thing in that equation. I want to type "anyway" again, but then maybe not. Most of my friends have two/ three classes of friends- friends, good friends and best friends. That is simply racist. I mean, what are they planning, a warcraft campaign? So the best friend, level 23, beats the crap out of the darkspawn lords , good friends level 13 fight necromancers while I, a friend at level 7 only cause an itch on the horde captain's armor, to get killed 3 seconds later. And respawned again, only to die again. The vicious cycle continues. Now everybody has had their grandmothers tell out the mythologies said out to them, really interesting creepy stuff when you are a kid. All the demons lurking under the bed in the dark came into existence, courtesy Grandmother. But the tales are lost in the growing up years, and by 21, they are just fragments of a tale long ago heard.( yes, the people who had no such good story telling grandmothers have my sympathies, they are one of the best childhood memories.) So by the time you grow up, you have no idea about the difference between the vedas or the puranas. That is because these grandmothers forget to say the seemingly minor, but very important details. I recently read Ramayan Reloaded by Virgin Comics.If I had any idea the heroines in these tales were so hot, I would have gone to the temple everyday. It would have taken my spirituality to a whole new reloaded level. Also explains why Ravan did the things we then assumed to be stupid. Ravan wasn't stupid. The guy just couldn't keep his hormones in check. All he needed was a rehab. One of these days, I'm sure the VHP( Very Hypo-critic People) and RSS(Rightly Simply Stupid) are going to find me , and they are not going to love me. If any advanced technology costs more than a million dollars, Tony Stark can make it in a cave with a bunch of scrap. A lot of people I have seen have a limited English vocabulary. They do use the fancy words like " Its a good day" and " I think I should shut up" once in a while, but mostly, their vocab consists of " like", "but", "damn" and "fuck". They even get away with sentences like"like blah blah but damn fuck!". Going by frequency, if "fuck" had appeared in all religious text, every man on earth would be blessed. A million times over.
Everyone deserves respect. And every once in a while, emotions and words like "fuck you" too gain more respect than the people right in front of you. An ape chewing a pencil stub looks more intelligent than a brahmin eating/talking. I don't intend to offend brahmins, I'm just making a point. There are the occasional exceptions though. And I would like to meet one. Cause for one, monkeys cannot eat infinite amount of sweets. Even gujjus and bongs can't.I once knew a brahmin. He used to but bags for 3000 Rs,a pair of shoe for 8000Rs and then try convincing us that he was as stingy as a miser or else he would be a broke. I still know him. But he won't be too happy about it now, after reading this blog. And his name is not spelled Danish. And we do not call him BABA. We love him. I lie a lot. Especially the last 4 lines. Some people will have you convinced technology is spelled "tachy-no-laogy". I can't even spell "laogy". Can't even think how its spelt. Guess you have to be really special. really wierd. These are the very same people who think a white helmet, yellow T-shirt, pink pant and red shoes are a sexy-killer combination. Definitely killer but I'm not so sure about the sexy part. There are 75 guys in my class. And 15 can actually think simultaneously. Must be a new record for 4th year Mechanical Engg.The reason why most faculties are bald are because while they learned the stuff they teach, most of it just flew by over head grazing real close. Its the same effect as wind blowing over a rock for years or walking on a grassy patch. Erosion is a natural phenomenon. Also explains why they teach like even they aren't so sure of it.
This must be the longest blog I have written. The short end of a Parker is heavier than the long end of the Parker. That is what makes Parker heavier. That was "The Parker Theorem". I was thinking of a social experiment. Let us make up an English word - "pichikaon". Spelt "pee-chi-kao-uun". Now try to fit it in as suffix and prefix of random lines in every conversation. And see how normal it sounds. I mean in Hindi, they use "behen-ke-l**e"("**" are permutations of the alphabets "o" & "d". Its complex math. Try using calculus.) all the time. Sometimes its a prefix, sometimes its a suffix. Sometimes an emotion. It could be the beginning and end of a sentence, and everything in between them. And that is considered acceptable and normal. And the word actually doesn't make any sense. So next time, try saying - "oh, Pichikaon, I'm screwed!" or "Pichikaon, stop annoying me." See what happens. I have a Salman khan clone in my class. At least that is what he thinks he is. He was cloned by the African apes and programmed by the Amazon fleas. He is very smart. Even the Einsteins of the flea world don't stand a chance against him. He was cloned so that the apes and fleas could have one of their creations study at Benaras Hindu University for MBA and work alongside humans. Just to prove who's the daddy in the evolutionary scale. But BHU? For an MBA. Hmmm.
I have an algorithm to convince a person he is stupid/fool. It is as follows"
Step 1: Make a sweeping generalization on our mundane existence, a philosophical eulogy on how life makes us look stupid/fools and how we fall to it.

Step 2: Narrate a personal experience of how you outwitted fate, like an escape from a near fatal accident or how your DNA resisted the mutation effect from a mutated spider bite. Or how you drink human blood on full moon nights and remain ever youthful and immortal. Something that convinces the other guy you are marginally smarter.

Step 3: From step 1 and step 2 , you just proved the person is a fool.

Step 4: If step 3 doesn't work, repeat step 1 & step 2 till the other party gets tired of it. Or knocks you down unconscious. Everybody gives in after certain point of time.

And at the end of it, welcome to the start of the end. Hope you have a good day. But then hope can a real bitch!!.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Its been a long break. Like somebody actually cared. Its easy to fool other people. Making a fool of yourself, now thats difficult. The good thing about bright days are they are bright. Oh yeah, I know you're smart and you already guessed that. Good for you. "Incident light". Thats poetry in two words. "You and me". Thats in three words. "Fuck you". Thats an epic novel in itself!!. Oh, the wonders of words. Alphabets should be the 1st wonder of the world, the remaining 7 can follow after that. Of course, they all follow me. I am there, right at the top. All wonderful, brilliant, magnanimous, basking the world with my ignorance and sheer stupidity. And in times of strife and wars such as these, I am pretty sure the world would be a much better place worshiping a god who is more a fool than a god who can reason and holds too many bitter prejudices.

N.B: personal opinion only. RSS chill. Plz.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Tomorrow is a filthy religion. Everybody hates it but end up kneeing to it anyway!